September is National Suicide Prevention Month. Not awareness month … prevention. Death by suicide has directly impacted our Sunrise Family. Captain Cagan's wife teaches us we must discuss, overcome myths, and be there with resources. Hope you will read the rest.
I won’t go through the statistics. Instead, let’s talk real. Suicidality is complicated. Sometimes it is the result of an overwhelming struggle with mental illness or a deadly diagnosis over which one loses hope or culmination of lost hope, isolation, and life challenges that can seem deflating ... or just a moment in time where hope seems elusive.
We see too many die of suicide, including our heroes. Law enforcement officers. Firefighter. Veterans. Those who have demonstrated superior toughness. Yet, because of stigma; lack of confidence in confidentiality; being afraid to tell anyone and then thought of as weak; difficulty in receiving real care or meaningful therapy; or the fear of someone weaponizing their struggle in a professional or personal setting … they stay silent. They don't share. They don't reach out to a friend. Situational issues eclipse broader views of a brighter day ahead. Primary mental illness that makes it hard to treat or be there.
Closer to home.
Captain Frank Cagan, a 30 year veteran of the Sunrise Fire Department … who I knew for 12 years and I considered a friend … died of suicide on March 29, 2022. He was one of the physically strongest, toughest guys I ever met, a real bada**! At the same time, he had a peaceful gentleness about him with his friends and family, and an infectious laugh. He loved his family so much and adored his children. Yet, he could not defeat a cruel opponent, mental illness. The end did not define who Captain Cagan was – I will say it -- he was a hero who served his community with honor and distinction.
Officer Cindi McCue of Sunrise Police Department. Died of suicide on October 17, 2015. A 15 year veteran of the department and an 8 year Army veteran who served in Operation Desert Storm. She was loved by all. We were all at a loss to understand. The end did not define who Officer McCue was – I will say it -- she was a hero who served her community and country with honor and distinction.
As one Sunrise Firefighter said in talking about Captain Cagan, heroes die twice … once when they actually die, and then again when we stop talking about our hero. Both were heroes and both deserve the recognition as such – and to let their families know we hold them up as heroes in their lives.
But, we struggle after a suicide in our orbit of friends or co-workers. We don’t know what to say, or even think. Families are completely disoriented. Self-blame. Pouring over mundane moments to find something missed. Why wasn’t I there to help or someone? How to go on now.?
Bethel, Captain Cagan’s wife and the mother of their amazing children, has been teaching me and us so much about how to change our narratives around mental health and suicidality. Not just with phrases like “It’s OK to not be OK” (which we must absolutely believe and feel), but with resources and education that attack the myths and perceived stigma, to be supportive, to be there to pick up the pieces after someone seeks help, to have dignified and meaningful care for those in need, and to be a safety net. We need to understand the barriers to help that we knowingly or unknowingly create.
How a veteran or police officer or firefighter talks about their struggles will be different than the rest of us. How we provide help or find a bridge to a new life is hard and often expensive or intense, adding more triggers to an already struggling individual.
We must do more. And, we must not be silent about mental health, suicidality and death by suicide.
FROM NAMI: 5 Myths:
Myth: Suicide only affects individuals with a mental health condition. FALSE!
Myth: Once an individual is suicidal, he or she will always remain suicidal. FALSE!
Myth: Most suicides happen suddenly without warning. FALSE!
Myth: People who die by suicide are selfish and take the easy way out. FALSE!
Myth: Talking about suicide will lead to and encourage suicide. FALSE!
See and listen :
Go to National Alliance on Mental Illness for resources: https://www.nami.org/.../Awaren.../Suicide-Prevention-Month/
SUICIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES AND FACTS:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Free and confidential support for emotional distress, thoughts of suicide, substance abuse/mental health crisis and Veterans crisis for you or your loved ones.
211 Non Emergency Helpline: Free and confidential support for housing, food, utility assistance, healthcare services, transportation, legal services and counseling.
911 Emergency Number